resolutely happy.

For the past month or perhaps a little less (I’ve lost track), it felt like all signs were pointing towards an imminent move back to our house in West Grove. It was like we were on a plane that was getting lower and lower as it approached it’s runway for landing in Philly; the plane started doing all those weird noises when you know its getting its landing gear ready. The flight attendants were telling us to put our seats in upright position. They were taking all our trash one more time. Then at the last minute, this plane shot back up in the air and announced it would be heading several states over to Arkansas. Or something.

 

This sudden twist and the resulting realization that we don’t have a foreseeable move home in our future has made me resolved to appreciate what we do have here in California. We’ve got each other. We’ve got some really close family members besides just our little nucleus. We’ve got mountains and beaches and world-class national parks within a relatively short driving distance. We’ve got as much entertainment as we could ever want at our disposal with the city revolving around the movie industry and basically fun in general. You can always wear jeans anywhere and be appropriately dressed. It’s sunny almost always which is good for a family that loves to be outside and camp a lot. It’s metropolitan; there’s plenty of diversity. There are progressive churches that make those of us who tend towards being a bit more liberal feel at ease and accepted.

 

I know that if some of our family and friends back east read this, they might be sad to read the above paragraph because it’s about me adjusting to life here; that could be interpreted as threatening our desire to move home. The two aren’t mutually exclusive—keeping my heart fond of home and allowing myself to love it here. It’s important for me to not live like I’m somewhere else when I’m really here. I need to be present, and I need to be grateful. I was present for the first 6 or so months that we were out here, and then I decided right around March that it was time to move back east. I wouldn’t accept the possibility of being here much longer. And that’s not healthy. It’s not reality. If I do that here, wouldn’t I do that back east, too? Probably. If I can’t master being present and content and grateful when I live somewhere that actually does have so much of what I always whined that I didn’t have when I did live back east, then I don’t think I’d move back east and be grateful either.

 

Life is what we are doing now. Home is where this little family is together. Yes, my heart feels torn to be away from so many people that I love. But, I’m here right now, and there is a lot for which I am thankful.

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9 Responses to resolutely happy.

  1. Mers says:

    I think it is great that you are able to appreciate where you are living. I have prayed for that. I am still not giving up hope, just yet that you will move home.

    • Lindsay says:

      Thanks, Mers. I’m glad to know that you don’t feel like me appreciating things here is the same as closing my heart toward the hope of moving home at some time down the road. It’s tricky business trying to keep my heart content and open to change at the same time.

  2. Mom says:

    the thought that you wouldn’t be happy here either if you
    couldn’t be happy and in the moment there was one i had thought for a long time….i am glad you are appreciating it more …..i actually love it out there…..can’t afford it but love it…..but most of all,i love you……and i miss you so much….

    • Lindsay says:

      Well, I love YOU out here, so I’m glad you guys have been able to come visit. It means so much to me 🙂 Love you too, mom.

  3. Mom says:

    as the Bible says ” be thankful in all circumstances”

  4. Sare says:

    Linds, you are such a beautiful person, inside and out. I love your heart so much. I love how you guys in so many seasons, have chosen to be thankful, chosen to see and appreciate the beauty of wherever you are..that can be a hard thing to do. It reminds me of working out, it can be so hard, but then we become stronger. I feel like choosing thankfulness, over and over again is like working a muscle..and it get’s easier the more we do it. i love you guys, no matter where you live and you are always in our hearts!!

    • Lindsay says:

      Sare, thank you so much. Your friendship and love mean so much to me! Your analogy is such a perfect one; it really is a discipline and a kind of strength training to practice thankfulness in all circumstances. It’s a difficult one, but it helps to have such good friends who also practice this kind of thing. You’re an encouragement and an inspiration in the way that you live.

  5. Erin says:

    Oh Linds, I’m sorry that you won’t be moving back east just yet. I know how much you were hoping for it. But as always, you have such a great attitude. When the time is right you will return home. In the meantime it’s good to know that you’re making the most of your time out there. I miss you so much!

    • Lindsay says:

      Thanks, Erin. I miss you so much too! I really was so spoiled getting to “hang out” with you three days a week for so many years! We definitely should talk or email soon.

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