Goals!

SO, I have been trying to run again. Yes, I think I wrote that correctly. I am not quite ready to say, “I’ve been running again.” See, I have standards for what that would mean. And what I am doing is “trying to run.” I don’t think it qualifies as running yet. BUT, I remember what it is like to be a real runner, and I am so excited to be that again. I love the feeling of running when I’m in good running fitness. It is more exhilarating than exhausting, I get the endorphin rush, and I feel like I’m flying. I love it. If you look at my marathon pictures, I’m smiling in most of them. It was really such a fun experience. I hold onto that memory for motivation to keep working because right now—it’s quite a different story.

I think that working really hard at something and seeing few (if any!) positive results is really challenging. I am a goal-oriented person to the max. I don’t really know when my goal-setting started. I guess I’ve always been ambitious in some sense. I used to sell things in my neighborhood (including my sister Merry’s belongings that I would find neglected around the house) on an overturned barrel. I did this so that I could make money and buy things that I wanted. I called it my “barrel shop.” Merry was not happy on quite a few occasions when she had to buy back her possessions from kids down the street. Ha. We would get into arguments about it. I’d say, “but you didn’t even care about it!” and Merry would say, “Lindsay, it’s MINE! You can’t just sell my stuff!”

Anyway, I used to quit things a lot. Not like drugs and stuff. Thankfully, I never started drugs in the first place. I mean…like…life. For example, I got so stressed out in the 4th grade that I started passing out. No one knew what was wrong with me. As it turns out, I have vasovagal syncope. For some tidbits on that, read this.

Basically, I faint under stress sometimes. I usually can combat it now that I know what’s occurring physiologically. Not always, though. Some of my triggers include: getting stuck in long conversations in which there is no foreseeable end; anything that makes me feel too aware of my finite mortality (blood, or talking about diseases that “no one knew so and so had until one day s/he just dropped dead”); stuff like that. Upsides are: I am supposed to drink a lot of water and eat a lot of salt (two things I really like, anyway!).

But back to the quitting. Somewhere along the way, I started to think that when things got difficult, it was an option to quit. My ambitious nature combined with an impulsive tendency to quit or drastically change things created a life where I felt like I was going in circles rather than moving forward in life.

Collin has been a great influence on my ability to stay on course in the face of challenges and over time. And I have been an agent for change when we otherwise might have gotten stuck. So, now, I think we have a pretty good balance of commitment and change in our life. I love setting goals. I love reaching my goals. Once I started to do this, I realized how gratifying it is to reach a goal. There is a sense of self-efficacy and fulfillment that is euphoric. I love it. And so, I have become a very goal oriented person over the past 6 or so years.

So, to wrap up this winding blog post (I probably lost the Skipper’s attention paragraphs ago), I have finally started to see measurable progress from my running. Now that I can feel that I am becoming a stronger runner (i.e., my mind actually wanders now instead of just being consumed by how difficult it is to keep going, I can run farther without stopping, etc.) I think the momentum of motivation will only build from here. Positive reinforcement is a powerful motivator. I guess that’s what I started to say in the beginning. It takes a lot of strength to keep trying at something when you aren’t getting the reinforcement that you want; if you stick with something long enough, though, I think the rewards do happen, and you’re likely to reach your goals.  And that, is such a good feeling. Addictive, I think. In a good way.

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16 Responses to Goals!

  1. jason says:

    vasovagal

    Man, that word really looks like it has something to do with something that it doesn’t have anything to do with, huh?

  2. jason says:

    And in case you’re wondering, I see that you mentioned me in the last paragraph. I didn’t skip it.

  3. mom says:

    yes…the last paragraph reminds me of my marriage ….not exactly easy breezy…needed a lot of persistence and fortitude and a hope that in the future it would get better….for both of us!

  4. jessica says:

    okay, I laughed out loud when you wrote about selling merry’s stuff. hahahaha that’s so funny (and I can see why she wasn’t exactly thrilled with it, either). I also laughed at your mention of The Skipper.
    (good job on getting that far, Skipper, btw (aaaand I actually just wrote “kipper” first, which I think is a really funny nickname for him too))

    and great job with your mind wandering while running, Linds–that sure does say something. You are on a great path and I’m happy to cheer you along the way.

    oh, and when I get stuck in long conversation in which there is no foreseeable end, I generally excuse myself to the bathroom (you know, I opt to go use the privates, as you like to say!) but I can see how fainting works just as well for a quick exit, too.

  5. mers says:

    UGH. that was SO frustrating to me. Especially since I just couldn’t win the argument with ,”it’s mine”. You didn’t care. so, eventually I just paid the money to get my stuff back.Jeez.NOT FAIR!LOL!

    • Collin says:

      Mers that is hilarious that you couldn’t win with that fact.
      “It’s mine.”
      “So what?”
      “what do you mean ‘so what’ it’s MINE!!!”
      “So What?”

      Sometimes when Linds and I disagree about something we have a similar exchange.

      I’ll say something like “yeah but remember you said ____?”

      L- “No.”

      C- “OK but you did say it. I REMEMBER it.”

      L- “Well I don’t.”

      C- “Well just because you forget it doesn’t make it irrelevant. You DID say it.”

      L- “Well maybe I didn’t. I don’t remember that.”

      C- “I DO REMEMBER it. It was in ____ context and I replied with ____.”

      L- “I don’t remember that. Maybe you made it up”

      C- “WHAT!?! I didn’t make it up. I remember it!”

      L- “Well you can’t prove it. It’s just as likely that you made it up as it is that I forgot it.

      C- “WHAT?? I would not simply invent something out of thin air. That is not just as likely as you forgetting something. You can’t say it is just as likely.”

      L- “Yes I can.”

      LOL. It is an unwinnable argument! We always wind up laughing because I don’t really have a recourse. It always makes me think of you and linds having that disagreement about her selling your stuff and it cracks me up.

  6. mers says:

    Oh, Col…somebody FINALLY feels my pain. I also remember when I would go into her room when I was older and just find stuff that was mine. I would go to take it back and she would be like.”No, you can’t have it. You didn’t care about it. You didn’t even know it was gone”.To which I would reply, “So WHAT you took it without asking….GIVE IT BACK”. “No”. “GIVE IT BACK! YOU CAN’T JUST TAKE SOMETHING THAT IS MINE” “Yes, I can”. Notice that I was yelling and she never was. She was calm cool and irrational.I would always lose. LOL. Gotta love that kid.

  7. mers says:

    Oh, and I have the awesome Vagal response too. I also have Orthostatic hypotension which means I faint when I stand up sometimes. Awesome fainting DiNatale girls.

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